New In! The Detachable Bush

Illustrations by Grace McKenna

From make-up to cosmetic surgeries, women are always being sold something to change their appearance. Thick eyebrows aren’t cute, but be careful – you can’t pluck them too thin, that isn’t cute either. Being skinny is in, but make sure you still have a bum silly! Of course, don’t worry if you don’t look like this or that; here is a list of the 50 latest trending products that you can buy to turn you into the perfect woman! And just when you thought late-stage capitalism surely couldn’t come up with a new product to needlessly sell to women, Kim Kardashian has created a new low. 

Recently on social media there has been a rise in debate on female body hair. Every time I go onto TikTok there is a new video: should we grow it, or should we shave it? Are you pro-bush or anti-bush? Why shave when you can pay for laser treatment? The list goes on and on, and this is before you even take into account all of the adverts for different methods of hair removal. With these debates being so prominent online (and it being a clear money maker), it is no surprise that one of the Kardashians were quick to jump on the current trend train. 

Kim Kardashian recently released a new Skims line, the ‘Faux Hair Micro String Thong’. Yes, you did read that right: you can now buy a g-string with fake pubic hair on it. Why just spend money on razors, wax and lasers, when you could also join a waitlist to spend £34 on a detachable bush? The description on the Skims website labels the thong as their ‘most daring panty yet’, and don’t worry everyone, it comes in a wide range of twelve different shade variations! After a century of being told we must be hairless to be perfect, to be desirable, to be ‘clean’, the capitalist market has run out of ways to profit off body hair removal, so now they need to sell that hair back to us. 

My argument here is not with what women do with their body hair. Shave it, wax it, keep it or grow it out – that decision is up to you, and I am not here to judge your choice, nor should anyone else. But are we really going to let ourselves buy something we could have naturally? Something that has been ingrained in modern culture as gross and unattractive? Female autonomy has continuously been manipulated for capitalistic gain, and now they have figured out how to profit off our rebellion. 

It's the perfect money-making nonsense that billionaires dream of; another new way for women to be ‘sexy’ as well as filling their pockets. Having a real bush isn’t hot, being natural isn’t attractive but taking even more of our money? Now that is the dream. 

New in for you billionaires! Women want control of their bodies back, and we are tired of paying for it. Stay out of our underwear because we certainly don’t care about what is in yours.